About a week ago, someone decided to allow TwitchTV viewers to simultaneously enjoy a game of Pokemon Red together. Though it originally started as a social experiment, it quickly spiraled into something greater than that. The TwitchPlaysPokemon community became a culture with an immense following.

On the subreddit, players discuss strategies on how to get over 70,000 concurrent players to collectively do the same thing in order to complete the game. OK, getting 10 people to do something all together is difficult, but over 70,000 people? Now that’s insanity.

There’s currently two sides, Anarchy (Helix Fossil) and Democracy (Dome Fossil), who are in a constant struggle to maintain power. By the title of this recipe, you can probably tell which side I favor…

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ PRAISE THE GLORIOUS HELIX FOSSIL!! ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

Now, before I get too carried away and start running circles around in an elevator, I need to start talking about this recipe.

Image created by @bennmarion

I wanted to create an appetizer that could represent the all-mighty Helix Fossil. Ahh praise the Helix Fossil! This bite-sized treat can be easily enjoyed while you mash your A and B keys in the TTP chat. 

So, let’s get started!

UNIT COMPOSITION

1. salt
2. pepper
3. 1 teaspoon of paprika
4. 1 teaspoon of hot mustard
5. 2 teaspoon of worcestershire
6. 2 cloves of garlic, minced
7. 1 tablespoon of chives, diced
8. 3oz of lump crab meat, flaked with a fork
9. 1/4 cup of cream cheese (brought to room temperature)
10. 1/4 cup of spinach
11. 1 sheet of puff pastry
12. 1 egg

BUILD ORDER

Prep time for this is roughly 25 minutes. Cook time is roughly 15 minutes. This will make about 20 puffs.

OPENING

1. In a bowl, combine your crab, cream cheese, salt, pepper, paprika, worcestershire, mustard, garlic, and chives. Mix until thoroughly combined.
2. Gently cook your spinach by either lightly boiling it until wilted, or microwaving it for about 30 seconds.
3. Add your spinach to your crab mixture and combine thoroughly.

MID GAME

1. Unfold your puff pastry and using a sharp knife or a pizza cutter, cut it vertically into 3 equal sections. Then, cut it into 4 equal sections horizontally. Cut each section in half. You should end up with 24 sections. Reserve 2 of the sections for the Helix Fossil design.
2. Put about a spoonful of crab in on each pastry section. Gently fold the pastry over the crab and crimp the corners.
3. Take an unused section and cut a 1/4inch strip of puff pastry. Roll the puff pastry into the shape of a helix. Use a knife to create the ridges on the shell. Place the helix decoration on top of the puff pastry.

LATE GAME

1. Pre-heat your oven to 350° (~176° C).
2. Place your pastries on a piece of parchment paper.
3. Scramble your egg and add about a tablespoon of water to it. This will be your egg wash. Using your hands or a brush, gently dab some of the egg wash onto your pastries.
   
4. Place pastry puffs in the oven for 15 minutes or until golden brown. Remove and allow cool for about 5 minutes.
5. Praise Helix Fossil.
6. Eat!

GG WP!

Once you’ve praised the Helix Fossil enough, you should get something like these:

Now, as you enjoy these delicious Helix Fossil bites, please don’t forget to take a moment to remember our fallen heroes.  CURSE YOU, DOME FOSSIL AND YOUR DOMEOCRACY!

In 1998, I was in elementary school obsessing with my friends over the latest Pokémon game. It was the latest craze sweeping the nation — a Japanese RPG with super adorable pets. At the time, I had no idea how much depth these games had. I didn’t understand the stat rolls or the concept of optimizing your team; I just wanted to collect the cool looking animals.

I had this card, but I don’t think I used it in my deck.

Rollin’ with Jolteon, Articuno, Blastoise, Mewtwo, and Pidgeot. I clearly had no idea what I was doing, but I was disillusioned into believing that I was truly a Pokémon Master. After all, I did beat that jerkface, BLUE, to earn that fancy title.

But one thing was always confusing about the entire series… How did any of the inhabitants of the Pokémon world ever get fish? Were those fish also Pokémon or are they just straight-up boring fish? Maybe we should just eat Pokémon…

I mean, c’mon… Look at this Shellder… I’m pretty sure he’d be delicious if you pan seared him!

Plus, I don’t even think Shellder rolls decent stats! You can get much better water-type Pokémon than this mollusk.

UNIT COMPOSITION

1. salt
2. pepper
3. dill
4. juice from 1/2 of a lemon
5. 3 tablespoons of olive oil
6. 1/4 cup of orange juice
7. 1/4 cup of dijon mustard
8. 1/4 cup of balsamic vinegar
9. 1/4 cup of shaved parmesan cheese
10. 2 cup of microgreens
11. 1 fennel bulb, chopped
12. 6 sea scallops, “foot” removed*

*Some scallops still have a “foot” (an adductor muscle) located on their sides. Because this part of the scallop is very tough, it’s best to remove these by gently tearing them off.

BUILD ORDER

Total prep time is about 20 minutes. Total cook time will be about 35 minutes (assuming you cook the fennel and the scallops at the same time). This will make 2 servings.

Calories per serving: ~345 calories 

OPENING

1. Preheat an oven to 375° F (~190° C).
2. Place your fennel in a roasting pan and season with salt and pepper.
3. Pour 1 tablespoon of olive oil over your fennel.
4. Roast your fennel for 35 minutes. While your fennel roasts, prepare your scallops and sauce.

MID GAME

1. Combine your dijon mustard, orange juice, and balsamic vinegar together.
2. Season with salt and pepper.
3. Set dressing aside.

LATE GAME

1. Set a pan on high heat and add 1 teaspoon of olive oil.
2. Season your scallops with salt, pepper, and dill.
3. When the pan becomes hot, place 3 scallops in your pan. Once you place your scallops in the pan, do not move them! Allow the scallops to cook for two minutes. Flip scallops over and cook for another two minutes.
4. Remove scallops from pan and repeat steps 1 – 3 for the remaining 3 scallops.
5. Place microgreens and fennel on a plate. Drizzle your salad dressing over the salad. Sprinkle with your shaved parmesan cheese.
6. Place three scallops on top of your salad.
7. Squeeze lemon over the scallops.
8. Eat!

GG WP!

See, instead of wasting your pokéball on that stupid Shellder, you could’ve just caught it and threw it in a skillet. SO WORTH IT.