calien soup [green gazpacho]

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I love dinosaurs. Growing up, I had collected tons of dinosaur-themed items. So when I started playing Ark: Survival Evolved it felt like I was reliving part of my childhood!

DINOSAURS. DINOSAURS EVERYWHERE!

Needless to say, I kind of got a little obsessed. OK. Fine. I got A LOT obsessed.

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I started collecting tons of dinosaurs. I started with Parasaurs, then moved onto Raptors, then T-Rexes and now. Spinosauruses. Our base currently has over 20 Spinosauruses.

I’ve named the ones I’ve tamed after K-pop stars because why not?

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When I found out that Ark had a cooking system, I was so hyped! Obviously, I had to start making these recipes in real life. So here’s an easy Ark-inspired recipe to enjoy while you’re combing the beach slapping your “e” key for rocks!

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UNIT COMPOSITION

  1. salt
  2. parsley
  3. juice from 1 lemon
  4. 4 cloves of garlic
  5. 1/4 cup of olive oil
  6. 1/2 cup of cucumbers, sliced
  7. 1/2 cup of peas, cooked (either microwave or boil them)
  8. 1/2 white onion, chopped
  9. 1 avocado, sliced

BUILD ORDER

This recipe takes about 20 minutes to make. It makes about 2 servings.

OPENING

  1. Place your avocado, onion and garlic in a food processor.
  2. Add in the juice from one lemon.
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  3. Pulse until smooth.

MID GAME

  1. Add in your cooked peas, cucumber and salt.
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  2. Pulse until combined.
  3. Add in a few sprigs of parsley and your olive oil. Pulse until smooth.

LATE GAME

  1. Remove your mix from the food processor.
  2. Using a mesh sieve, strain out the chunky bits from your gazpacho.
  3. Garnish with parsley.
  4. Eat!

GG WP!

I tried to make it as close as the in-game recipe as possible:

20150614182432!Calien_Soup

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Close… I think?

Either way, Calien Soup will keep you cool as you doodle in your dossier:

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According to my dossier, I should probably collect more spinos. Hmm.

Stay safe out there, survivors!

sgt. hammer’s BFG meatloaf [cheesy stuffed meatloaf]

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A while back in an interview, I was asked by Vaeflare if I had any Heroes of the Storm themed recipes in the works. I responded with this:

“I plan to write some recipes about the heroes themselves. How awesome would it be to take a bite out of Sergeant Hammer’s BFG missile?!” 

I finally sat down and created Sgt. Hammer’s smiley BFG missle… but in MEATLOAF FORM! Spreadin’ the loooove!

If you’re not familiar with Sgt. Hammer’s Heroic Ability, “BFG” or Blunt Force Gun, it’s basically a smiley missile that launches across the map.

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KABOOM!

Now, this isn’t your ordinary meatloaf… This is a STUFFED meatloaf full of vegetables and cheesy goodness. It’ll explode with flavor!

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This recipe has been kicked up with added protein in the form of crispy Quest Protein Chips!

UNIT COMPOSITION

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  1. salt
  2. pepper
  3. 1 teaspoon of worcestershire sauce
  4. 2 teaspoons of smoked paprika
  5. 2 tablespoons of smoked chipotle paste
  6. 2 tablespoons of ketchup
  7. 2 cloves of garlic, chopped
  8. 5 mushrooms, chopped
  9. 1/4 cup of broccoli, chopped
  10. 1/4 of shredded pepper jack cheese
  11. 1 onion, 1/2 chopped and 1/2 left in reserve
  12. 3-6 pitted black olives
  13. 1 1/2 lb of lean ground beef (I used 90/10)
  14. 2 bags of Quest BBQ Protein Chips
  15. 1 red pepper

BUILD ORDER

Prep time for this recipe is about 35 minutes. Total cook time is roughly 1 hour 10 minutes. This makes ~5 servings.

Each serving contains: 34g of Protein, 16g of Fat and 2g of Net carbs.

OPENING

  1. Set a small pan on high heat. Add in your olive oil.
  2. Saute your chopped garlic, mushrooms and broccoli.
  3. Let them cook for about 5 minutes. Remove from heat and set aside.

MID GAME

  1. In a large bowl, combine your worcestershire sauce, salt, pepper, paprika and ground beef.
  2. Crush 1 bag of protein chips and add it to the meat mixture. Add in 1 tablespoon of chipotle paste. Stir to combine.
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  3. Lay a large sheet of plastic wrap on a flat surface.
  4. Put your meat mixture on top of the plastic wrap. Squish the meat against the plastic wrap to make it flat.
  5. Place your sauteed vegetables on top of the flattened meat. Be sure to leave about an inch of room on each side. The ends will require about 2 – 3 inches of space.
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  6. Grab the edge of the plastic wrap and begin rolling the meatloaf on top of itself.
  7. Place the meatloaf in a baking dish.

LATE GAME

  1. Shape the meat into a “missle” shape — one side pointy, the other side flat.
  2. Cut small wedges out of the red pepper. These will be the “fins” of the missle. Place them in a circular formation on the flat end of the meatloaf missle.
  3. Mix your ketchup and chipotle paste. Spread this mixture over the pointed 1/2 of the missle.
  4.  Cut a mouth and eyes out of your remaining piece of onion. Place them on to the meatloaf.
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  5. Slice pupils from your olives. Place them on top of the onion.
  6. Crush your remaining bag of chips. Sprinkle them over the un-sauced portion of the meatloaf.
  7. Cut an olive in half. Use a straw to poke a circular piece through the olive. These will be the rivets. Place them on the edge where the sauced portion touches the chip-coated portion.
  8. Pre-heat you oven to 360° F. Cook the meatloaf for about 50 minutes – 1 hour, or until done.
  9. Eat!

GG WP!

Now you’ll have a tasty and protein-packed meal that will keep you and your Heroes team fed. :)

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It’s a very very smiley meatloaf…

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See you in the Nexus, hero! 😀

But make sure you duck — never know when that BFG is going to fire from across the map!

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This recipe was created with support from Quest Gaming. Follow them on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter to learn more about how other gamers eat healthy and #CheatClean.